December 16, 2004 | 11:04 a.m. 
i would write shorters entries but I filled up my paper journal

So now I´m just updating because I can. It´s around 11 and no one but couch potato Rafael is home. I have been awake for quite some time, and this new habit of waking up early on my own is amazing.
These are my last days here, and they have been lazy days. Just sitting drinking wine and eating cheese with my Tia and Tio as Tio pretends to be drunk and Tia says, "Esse meu marido!". Going on walks with Mayara that remind me of my walks back home with Ash or Liz.
I loved every moment here, but it´s getting to that sad point (sad for me) where everything that happens here reminds me of something back home.
I had a bad dream about Laura and I last night. We were running around late at night in busy street traffic, not obeying pedestrian signs. I can´t remember what was bad about it... but I remember crying. I think I´ll try to cross the street only at the crosswalk from now on. You too, Laura.
I was thinking about June when my Dad picked me up from work and took me to Braum´s. We rarely just go out places by ourselves, and he bought me dinner. Then he started to question my motives for going to Brasil. Was I planning on finishing school? Was I planning on dating some Brasilian and never coming back?
I explained to him that I just needed to go. That at the end of the spring semester one single night of restlessness until 5 am brought on thoughts of going away. I had told my mother the next day about this medium size dream of mine, and she said she´d help me.
Now the medium size dream is almost over... Was it worth it? yes.
Now I know whatever I want if I want it enough can be mine. It´s just that I didn´t want a whole lot before. I thought wanting too much was simply narcissistic. Well maybe it is, but I have dreams of living all over the world, meeting all kinds of people.. I feel like Jimmy Stuart in It´s a Wonderful Life when he says "I want a BIG one!"
Next Thursday, I think I´ll be drinking eggnog, cuddling under my red, soft blanket while watching Amelie with Laura. I´ll be reunited with my strange variety of friends who all bring out different sides of me. Some of them I do goofy hilarious things with--like seeing how long we can get a toilet paper roll to go from a 3rd story building across 2 flights of escalators. Others just make me laugh by putting naughty words in my mouth that I never meant to say. Others make me think a different way and surprise me by asking me for advice. Still others are exactly like me, have the same tastes and interests and make good people to link arms with and stroll through art museums and old movie theaters, all the while whispering about foreign men.
I really luff my friends. (if you know what that line is referring to, I´ll give you... a shiny nickel--they´re underrated)